DUCKY AND THE MAGIC BATH
Dear Dr Flinkey,
As I'm sure you know, when you're in the bath, your fingers look bigger than they really are, so long as you're looking at them from the right angle. I always thought that this was an optical illusion resulting from diffraction. But lately, my fingers have been staying bigger even when I get out of the bath. And the next time I have a bath, they get even bigger again.
Do you think I have a magic bath, Dr. Flinks? And what can I do with my new fingers?
Deeply perplexed,
Hognogger
Dr Flinkey: Firstly, you are staying in the bath way too long if your fingers (and only your fingers) are swelling up. If it was something else - you would not be posting about it here. It is not magic - it is sick.
There are a number of advanatges - guitar playing gets so much easier. Especially augmented or diminished major seventh chords. You can catch bigger balls in your hand. When you are driving along the highway and you stick your hand out the window you can make your car take off.
Unfortunately, there are downsides. You can't pick up coins off the coffee table or wooden floors. I would suggest that you use the hands to your advantage. Next time you meet a girl you would like get closer to - show her your hands (especially your fingers) and see what reaction you get.
Take an aspirin and report back in one week.
Dear Dr. Flinkey,
I'm writing this from the bath.
Thankyou for your prompt reply. I have digested with some interest your discussion of my sick behaviour and its positive and negative consequences.
I still think I may have a magic bath on my hands, though. I think I will seek a second-opinion on this matter from a non-traditional practitioner.
Your grateful patient,
Hognogger
P.S. Rubber Ducky says hello.
Dr Flinkey: What are you plugged in to? How do your swollen fingers operate the keys?
(I was wondering where my duck was!)
Dear Dr Flinkey,
Don't worry. You can have your Rubber Ducky back soon. But just not yet. At the moment, I have him tethered to the plug-hole. I'm forcing him to write songs that I can pass off as my own. Unfortunately, his range of expression is somewhat restricted. So far, the best he has come up with are:
"Grandma's Bath-Ring"
"Soaps and Ships"
"Nine Inches Under the Sea"
"Squeeze me, baby boy"
Your correspondent in the bath,
Hognogger
Dear Dr Flinkey,
As I'm sure you know, when you're in the bath, your fingers look bigger than they really are, so long as you're looking at them from the right angle. I always thought that this was an optical illusion resulting from diffraction. But lately, my fingers have been staying bigger even when I get out of the bath. And the next time I have a bath, they get even bigger again.
Do you think I have a magic bath, Dr. Flinks? And what can I do with my new fingers?
Deeply perplexed,
Hognogger
Dr Flinkey: Firstly, you are staying in the bath way too long if your fingers (and only your fingers) are swelling up. If it was something else - you would not be posting about it here. It is not magic - it is sick.
There are a number of advanatges - guitar playing gets so much easier. Especially augmented or diminished major seventh chords. You can catch bigger balls in your hand. When you are driving along the highway and you stick your hand out the window you can make your car take off.
Unfortunately, there are downsides. You can't pick up coins off the coffee table or wooden floors. I would suggest that you use the hands to your advantage. Next time you meet a girl you would like get closer to - show her your hands (especially your fingers) and see what reaction you get.
Take an aspirin and report back in one week.
Dear Dr. Flinkey,
I'm writing this from the bath.
Thankyou for your prompt reply. I have digested with some interest your discussion of my sick behaviour and its positive and negative consequences.
I still think I may have a magic bath on my hands, though. I think I will seek a second-opinion on this matter from a non-traditional practitioner.
Your grateful patient,
Hognogger
P.S. Rubber Ducky says hello.
Dr Flinkey: What are you plugged in to? How do your swollen fingers operate the keys?
(I was wondering where my duck was!)
Dear Dr Flinkey,
Don't worry. You can have your Rubber Ducky back soon. But just not yet. At the moment, I have him tethered to the plug-hole. I'm forcing him to write songs that I can pass off as my own. Unfortunately, his range of expression is somewhat restricted. So far, the best he has come up with are:
"Grandma's Bath-Ring"
"Soaps and Ships"
"Nine Inches Under the Sea"
"Squeeze me, baby boy"
Your correspondent in the bath,
Hognogger
posted by hognogger at 4:47 p.m.
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