Writing the first page of anything is always hard. Some say that when you are faced with a difficult task, you should try and break it down into simpler, more manageable ones. Try, they say, to think in terms of paragraphs and sentences rather than pages. Now, true, the first sentence is always the hardest. But this is the fifth sentence, and therefore I am over the worst of it.

HOGNOGGER'S TIPS - TIP 1
If you are feeling down, download a clown. Here is an example, just so that you understand the sort of thing I'm talking about:

Once you have downloaded your clown, you should then print it out and place it in your wallet, your purse, or in any other miscellaneous item that you regularly carry on your person.

If you do this, the dark clouds will lift and you will feel lighter (perhaps even buoyant).

CAVEATS

(1) Make sure that you use a colour printer when printing your clown. A black-and-white clown is like a two-dimensional cup. A two-dimensional cup won't hold any coffee, and a black-and-white clown won't lift your mood. If you do not have access to a colour printer, then you have a further problem. Try not to think about this further problem, as it will only make you feel worse.

(2) If you print out your clown, and you feel better after carrying it around for a day or two, that's great! However, (and I cannot stress this point firmly enough) do not start downloading clowns willy-nilly. If you stuff ten clowns in your wallet, then you may feel euphoric for a brief period, but you will suffer for this excess later.

(3) Be sure not to download a clown that looks like this.