INTRODUCING DR FLINKEY
I bet the 0 humans and 5000 robots who've been reading my musings on this blog are wondering, "How does he do it? How does one man know not just what my problems are in life, but also how to address them so effectively?"
Well, I'm afraid that I cannot take all of the credit. No, I must confess that I have a mentor. Yes, there was a time when I was hard-pressed to even diagnose the true nature of a problem, let alone furnish a satisfying solution to that problem.
However, I have learned well from my mentor, and now feel able to give a little back to the wider community. My mentor is the august Dr Flinkey. The good doctor is one of Australia's best-kept secrets. Perhaps Australian Story will do a feature on him one day. Returning to the matter at hand, I should explain that he has a "Dear DocFlinkey" thread on a certain Melbourne music forum that I frequent. Since he is such a wise (and perhaps even noble) man, I feel it is only appropriate that I do not hoard his wonderful advice. So I will be sharing some of it on this blog. Starting now.
Dr Flinkey and the Mystery of the Moving Book
Dear Dr Flinkey,
I have a book that I like to read sometimes. But I always have trouble finding it. I look after it very well, and always put it back in the bookshelf when I've finished with it. But the next time I go to find it, it's not where I left it. It's always some place else in the bookshelf.
Do you think it's avoiding me?
Your concerned patient,
Hognogger
Dr Flinkey: What is the title of the book? This is vital information.
Hognogger: Quiddities
Dr Flinkey: aha - I should have known it was that one! Quiddities comes from the Medieval Latin "quiddits" from Latin "quid" meaning "what." Now, in modern times, the use of the word "what" by itself as a sentence has become common. For example:
1. "Can you hear me?" "What?"
2. "Why did you do that?" "What?"
3. "It was you who farted, wasn't it?" "What?"
But our illustrious english grammar teachers have deemed the use of the word "what" as poor form. Thus, a book called "Quidditties" will by it's very nature move about looking for purpose. So. the solution is to cross out the first five letter of the title and replace them with the single letter "T" then other books will start moving around looking for your book on your behalf.
YT,
Flink
Hognogger: I did as you suggested, with a most unfortunate consequence. As soon as I changed the title, the other books on the bookshelf became restless. And sure enough, they soon started moving towards one particular place on the bookshelf. But the competition to reach that place was so fierce that pages were torn, covers ripped clean off, and now my bookshelf looks like a bomb site. The book formerly entitled "Quidditties" was destroyed in the melee...
Dr Flinkey: Another problem solved!
Note: Dr Flinkey can be consulted for a modest fee at: http://www.icansolveyourproblemsloser.com
I bet the 0 humans and 5000 robots who've been reading my musings on this blog are wondering, "How does he do it? How does one man know not just what my problems are in life, but also how to address them so effectively?"
Well, I'm afraid that I cannot take all of the credit. No, I must confess that I have a mentor. Yes, there was a time when I was hard-pressed to even diagnose the true nature of a problem, let alone furnish a satisfying solution to that problem.
However, I have learned well from my mentor, and now feel able to give a little back to the wider community. My mentor is the august Dr Flinkey. The good doctor is one of Australia's best-kept secrets. Perhaps Australian Story will do a feature on him one day. Returning to the matter at hand, I should explain that he has a "Dear DocFlinkey" thread on a certain Melbourne music forum that I frequent. Since he is such a wise (and perhaps even noble) man, I feel it is only appropriate that I do not hoard his wonderful advice. So I will be sharing some of it on this blog. Starting now.
Dr Flinkey and the Mystery of the Moving Book
Dear Dr Flinkey,
I have a book that I like to read sometimes. But I always have trouble finding it. I look after it very well, and always put it back in the bookshelf when I've finished with it. But the next time I go to find it, it's not where I left it. It's always some place else in the bookshelf.
Do you think it's avoiding me?
Your concerned patient,
Hognogger
Dr Flinkey: What is the title of the book? This is vital information.
Hognogger: Quiddities
Dr Flinkey: aha - I should have known it was that one! Quiddities comes from the Medieval Latin "quiddits" from Latin "quid" meaning "what." Now, in modern times, the use of the word "what" by itself as a sentence has become common. For example:
1. "Can you hear me?" "What?"
2. "Why did you do that?" "What?"
3. "It was you who farted, wasn't it?" "What?"
But our illustrious english grammar teachers have deemed the use of the word "what" as poor form. Thus, a book called "Quidditties" will by it's very nature move about looking for purpose. So. the solution is to cross out the first five letter of the title and replace them with the single letter "T" then other books will start moving around looking for your book on your behalf.
YT,
Flink
Hognogger: I did as you suggested, with a most unfortunate consequence. As soon as I changed the title, the other books on the bookshelf became restless. And sure enough, they soon started moving towards one particular place on the bookshelf. But the competition to reach that place was so fierce that pages were torn, covers ripped clean off, and now my bookshelf looks like a bomb site. The book formerly entitled "Quidditties" was destroyed in the melee...
Dr Flinkey: Another problem solved!
Note: Dr Flinkey can be consulted for a modest fee at: http://www.icansolveyourproblemsloser.com
posted by hognogger at 5:28 p.m.
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